Wednesday, August 20th, 2003
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12:57 pm
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Saturday, September 14th, 2002
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9:30 pm
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what have i become.. my sweetest friend.. everyone i know.. goes away in the end.. you can have it all
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(at my funeral)
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Tuesday, September 3rd, 2002
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2:43 pm
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so yeah.. today was the first day of school my teachers seem a lot nicer then the ones i had last year. right now my friends sara and nate are comming ooovverrr. so yeah thats cool. i got jasons letter in the mail today! woot! hes doing good, and misty and him arree in lllooovvvee!! cute! but anyways.... i want a pack of cigarettes. i saw magda today i havent seen her in a long time. and i saw 2 really attractive people at my school. so yeah and thats about it. besides the fact i wont be seeing erica in school anymore because she failed and she gets to play with sock puppets <3 its gonna suck.. i saw her once walking in school with keith but thats about it. i need my britney spears stickers so i can put them on my bass. but yeah i gotta jet! late
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(at my funeral)
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Sunday, September 1st, 2002
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12:15 am
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Friday, August 30th, 2002
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10:24 am
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wud up kitties? n2mh. just got done eating pancakes with sara (she spent the night) yesterday was cool jon came over and we went to to robs house to watch the VMA's. but i was suppose to hang out with sara and keith chelsey and kelly, but they dont like jon. but yeh dude, then ericas mom picked me up and then we picked sara up at keiths and then we came home and smoked some pot. it was much fun. oh and i also got a haircut yesterday which is pretty cool. but the hair cut kinda sucks. i need my bangs to grow. i need to lose some weight too. oh well.. i wish i had a ditgital camera and a new stereo with really nice speakers and a 1957 belair but yeah my cousin is complaing right now, he wants to sleep over his boyfriends house and his mom wont let him so i gotta go! late
current mood:  tired
current music: korn- struggle
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(at my funeral)
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Wednesday, August 28th, 2002
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12:41 pm
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so here we are all over again :) i made it to 10th grade. im really excited to go to school. well kinda. im gonna be able to meet new people. get to know myself better, and explore my options. im on my period right now. im hella blooted. yesterday i went to the thrift store for a couple hours. im suppose to go today too. but im so tired. i wish joe would send me some honey bees! i really need a cigarette <3 i really want the michelle branch cd. she seems like a cool chick. and u kno what i realized? theres too much good music in this world to pick just one gentre. like ... people just stick to one music type.. for example "punk" or "rap" if you listen to either one of those types a music " you suck" thats how people see it. i think its lame. i use to only listen to afi, sex pistols, and a bunch of other shit. but now i just listen to everything except for rap. alright well.. im done with this shiitt. ill update more when i have time. late
current mood:  angry
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(2 sung the requiem | at my funeral)
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12:41 pm
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so here we are all over again :) i made it to 10th grade. im really excited to go to school. well kinda. im gonna be able to meet new people. get to know myself better, and explore my options. im on my period right now. im hella blooted. yesterday i went to the thrift store for a couple hours. im suppose to go today too. but im so tired. i wish joe would send me some honey bees! i really need a cigarette <3 i really want the michelle branch cd. she seems like a cool chick. and u kno what i realized? theres too much good music in this world to pick just one gentre. like ... people just stick to one music type.. for example "punk" or "rap" if you listen to either one of those types a music " you suck" thats how people see it. i think its lame. i use to only listen to afi, sex pistols, and a bunch of other shit. but now i just listen to everything except for rap. alright well.. im done with this shiitt. ill update more when i have time. late
current mood: angry
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(at my funeral)
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Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
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7:08 am
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im sitting here, waiting for jacki to get here. were gonna walk to school together. i have my listening portion of my spanish test today. :/ i didnt really study. hm. :( and then i have my global part of my DBQ today. im reaaallyy nervous about that. i really hope we dont have to write an essay about chinese culture. but knowing the luck i have. we probably will. i went to bed at like 11:30 last night. im so tired. sara is a good friend. i need to hang out with her more. this friday is the last day of school but i dont really see it like that because, of finals and stuff.im so comfortable right now i dont want to move. but i have to cuz i think ms. colling is here. (aka jacki) :)
late..
<3 tania
xoxo
current mood:  sad
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(at my funeral)
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Sunday, May 19th, 2002
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12:31 pm
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12:30 pm
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Saturday, May 18th, 2002
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1:00 am - written by my best friend.... erica rothrock
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you hide behind a mask of happiness and you fear being afraid in publics
eye. you want to be strong so you can help, but i know you're sad. i know
you need someone to be there for you. stop worrying about peoples opinions
and help yourself. you're scared and i can see it. the mask can't hide anything
from a best friend. they see all. they know all. and i know you. everything
you go through, i feel. i feel the pain. i cry for you. some things weren't
meant to be gone through alone. you suffering is not meant for just you.
you need people and you need to open up to the ones that you trust. you
are loved. you can love. it's good to care about everything, but when it
becomes a problem involving your life that needs to be your first priority.
you can't just walk away. you need to face it and stand up for what you
believe. don't hide behind the mask anymore. show your true emotions and
don't hide. you're a wonderful person.
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(at my funeral)
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Friday, May 17th, 2002
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3:23 pm - fjshfsdfjfdsfsjfbs
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Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.
You are looking for excitement and stimulation and you are ready to try anything - but be careful not to take too many risks.
It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.
You pretend that you are a carefree individual and that nothing really bothers you - that you are so self-sufficient that whatever problems beset you they simply flow off you as water flows off a ducks back. You are experiencing considerable stress, trying to conceal yourself from the rest of the world. In actual fact - deep down, you are not at all happy. You feel lonely and you need someone with whom you can 'Let your hair down' and share your hopes, dreams and high standards. You are imposing unnecessary self restraint on yourself. You would like to demonstrate the unique quality of your character to all and sundry.
At this time you don't particularly like yourself. Everything that you have tried to do seems to have gone wrong. This makes you feel that there is no point in trying to start again. Apart from being stressed and tense, you are angry with yourself and have unadmitted self-contempt. Your refusal to admit that you and you alone is the basic cause of your problems leads to you adopting a headstrong and defiant attitude. If you take stock of yourself, smile a little and let go, everything will turn out OK. Have you not heard of the cliche 'smile and the world smiles with you - cry and you cry alone!'?
There is that inherent fear that you may be prevented from attaining the better things in life - those things that you consider essential to your well-being. So you are prepared to try everything to prove to yourself that whatever you do or try will go wrong. This destructive attitude could come under the heading of 'a self fulfilling prophesy'. This belittling yourself is your method of disguising how hopeless and what a waste of time you feel that everything is. So now turn it about. As you 'think', so you are... So 'imagine' yourself successful. 'Pretend', 'act it out' and you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome.
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(at my funeral)
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Sunday, May 12th, 2002
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3:51 pm
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Wednesday, May 8th, 2002
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7:04 am
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Thursday, May 2nd, 2002
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7:01 am
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Tuesday, April 30th, 2002
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6:55 am
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i havent wrote much lately. i guess i have nothing to really write about. nothing really new with me. except for the fact that i have been working like a fucking mad man twards school
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(2 sung the requiem | at my funeral)
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Sunday, April 28th, 2002
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12:33 pm
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Wednesday, April 24th, 2002
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6:40 pm
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7:00 am
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Monday, April 22nd, 2002
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1:40 am
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i cant sleep, sooo i decided to write a lil poem :)
when troubles bring you down
and you don't know what to do,
just look inside your heart
and you'll know that i love you.
every one has a destiny to find,
looking in your eyes i have found mine.
you're all i ever wanted
you're all i'll ever need.
i will be yours always,
you will have my love for eternity.
yes it has to do with love... hehe
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(2 sung the requiem | at my funeral)
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roxychick445's journal
